7 Obsessions

Somewhere I have never travelled..

2012-01-19T02:56:00.003-07:00

By E.E. Cummings

Somewhere I have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

Your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

Or if your wish be to close me, I and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(I do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

Te Quiero..

2011-12-23T09:10:00.005-07:00

And can't hide it anymore..

La Illaha Illah int

I suffer because I Love or try to love.. nothing more.

♥

2011-12-22T15:23:00.007-07:00

Obsession/crazy
--
I'm Lucky/I'm Unlucky.
--

shay mish 3adee..I don't understand. But it's not imagined..

someone said Emotional pain is a reminder to Forgive.
?
~--
And I Forgive..

galbi, khalas.

Life after February 17th

2011-12-09T10:30:00.007-07:00

Back Home. |Right where I'm supposed to be. Finally, the definition of men in front of me.

God puts people in your life for a Reason. To teach you a Lesson or to help them. You react accordingly.

Stop giving you heart to this world and you will love Love the way it's meant to be.

The Revolution changed me. It changed all of us.

Ask the Martyr's slain if they think Life's a test.

This ain't a dress rehearsal. You only get 1 chance.

Make It Count. ♥

2011-11-14T07:05:00.004-07:00

head-butting:

You could thank me now..
uh, go ‘head
Thank Me Later yeah I know what I said..

#Drake Senior must see something I don't..
~Respect.

Let Go.
Deep Breaths..

crossroads=//
clear as day.

lucky as Hell..

--
Threads..--

wow.

2011-11-13T19:53:00.005-07:00

I Love Life when it's emboldened raw. It's Amazing. I wanna bust out in Love quotes. I wanna say, "Stop holding me back. Stop making me conform. I wanna rebel. But i don't have a heart of stone.. you know?"

Love Quotes by Jalal d-Din Rumi:

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet."

Rumi was probly so fine..

... ♥ ..

2011-11-13T18:55:00.008-07:00

crossroads //=
:::::
I'm American.. sorry. Don't feel the same way.. pause for the broken heart//..
not pretentious, but my Loyalty isn't to a country./
Thinking..
I hate the thought../
of disappointing ppl I care about
---
falsafa/.. مترددة
/istikhara /
it really sucks being a girl./

♫ I wanna break out in ♪ melody like episodes of ♪ Glee ♪. ♫

Fortune Sheikha,
---
father's cajole/dices roll/ & sometimes decisions we make are metaphor.. allegory, prophecy for a lot more.. #word.

credence

2011-11-12T06:56:00.028-07:00

God teaches us, and in the end He knows it best.
Allahu Akbar
credence and Allah knows best.
---
..
* all for the ecstatic freedom in their eyes. i swear..
Libya is something else.

~~Libyans! Libyans! Libyans! Rebels @_@~~

--
Stages of rebellion.

2011-11-11T14:18:00.008-07:00

unintentional side-effects
internally bleeding,//
Lethargy.

self-sabotage
i destroy my own beauty//
High and then so low:: dark. deep, thoughts circle in my head
dark hours.
combust::
i need art, I need dance. I need to float through air. ~
i feel like shi*

pulled in so many directions.
can i just be.
at ease--
I hate myself. and I love myself..
// harnessing extremes.

Internally bleeding /

2011-11-10T23:04:00.005-07:00

Forever Young //
Libya had a Revolution. I lived & saw it..
our people revolted,
Revolving, mind warp

Annihilation, paper dervishes, whirling.

2011-11-10T21:50:00.014-07:00

The Maldives? what?
a fraction /
wait..
a +1 .... eh?
-- uhmm ~~:))~~
numb
satisfaction.
dumb. dizzy,, numb..
drunk off thier reasoning, confusion, or pre-revolution, post-cards are secret, buzz oh,. trust some\ love forget//fulness......
hand,
some..
Rebellion. Rebellion..
Rebel,
until I'm outrun..

+1..umm.
dk, or yes. maybe. no/
score keeper?-- \=
"wa ana malee?" I'm.. done. deaf, fatigued.. .... beautiful sins, wretched sins. didn't stop, but doubt i'll win..
--
Hit me so I feel remorse. Hurt me so I stop pretending it hurts.. or so i feel another kind of pain. I wanna yell just because. - grown proud & ashamed of what I've become..
stubborn pebbles, sticky feathers, -- shifted, fell asleep past 1. -
in the morning or the evening, feel.. remorse.

Patriarchy, Anarchy

2011-11-10T13:05:00.005-07:00

--

mostly pissed bc I know he's right..

fml

Doses

2011-11-08T22:40:00.008-07:00

can you handle me in doses, said the husband to the wife.

I'm an addict, I overdose-

good night.

2011-11-08T22:00:00.025-07:00

--a gaze undefiled, a life well-filed, off that
i can get full..
Different world, mind blow
"Bdu" probly hates Shi'ah more than Jew
shy, or just knew when to play it?
they definitely know how to play it,- But I'm a playette.

--w/o much desire to play it. means I'm stronger.

Straight-up
won't deny I have luck
magic touch- waking up...

(was gonna make this poem x-rated, summon the inner slu*..
but a recurring dream woke me up,--
the problem with perception is it masks our suffering,
denies us whole.

..But those 2 minutes of immaculate perception is my art. my sexuality-- pieces, construed here maybe,
but never contrived..
perverted
Natural high. Addictive and so hard to find..
power, it is..

hard to find).

xo xo xo

2011-11-06T23:39:00.007-07:00

"I'm a woman, and for an extremist there is no greater sin than a woman's embrace of literature and poetry." -Saudi Poet Hissa Hilal

Happy Eid

2011-11-05T06:23:00.009-07:00

Hajj is Sacrifice. and Muslims sacrificed so much this year. There is so much to be thankful for in 2011, but the lack of freedom, the protests, the deaths, the chaos, the uncertainty, it is not over.

and I just don't feel like writing.

I would have liked to go to Hajj this year. It would have made sense. It would have given me peace, moisture.. I think of faith as a pallet.

Spiritual dryness is an infection of the heart. Love, not passion or politics cures it.

The Internal Compass is sufficient. when it is busted, it is never broken. But in our society, we are inclined to dim the light within.

2011-11-05T04:52:00.001-07:00

The sublime is excited in me by the great stoical doctrine, Obey thyself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

an ode to pick-up trucks

2011-10-28T17:30:00.011-07:00

Molotov cocktails, hand grenades, multiple rocket launchers-- RPGS,

Homemade.

an ode to valor. an ode to fervor. will it translate or bowl over into the realm of ignorance.. should it persist, when we acknowledge the meaningful exegesis..

thick liquid on melon., existence/ creation... /Kingdom come.

2011-10-25T20:17:00.010-07:00

Thank God for the attractive examples..

♥

2011-10-23T17:16:00.001-07:00

“For all of us, it is a hard road, because our battle is against ourselves.”

.. مساك حرية وجمال

2011-10-17T14:22:00.008-07:00

“I have lived on the Lip of Insanity,
wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens.
I've been knocking from the inside.”

― Rumi

Grateful

2011-10-16T15:27:00.007-07:00

I Realized the other day, on a plane or smtg, that Allah lets me live these Dreams, but in a different way than I imagined..

Good vs BAd

2011-10-16T15:08:00.005-07:00

Constant schism| we all suffer from, which direction does your pendulum swing?

2011-10-16T14:42:00.015-07:00

~"Put yourself behind my eyes, and see me as I see myself, for I have chose to dwell in a place you cannot see" -

I'm cheating on you 7obsessions.

well.. thinking about it. or Leaving you. I went to the store, and spent 20 minutes staring at other diaries..I felt them; velvet, rubber, plastic. leather,

settled on sky blue manuscript. no spirals.. blank paged. It's called Invictus, a manuscript book.

The Transition|>
yeah. Time to transition. It's due.

--
Life has so many options., and they all take away Freedom in the end. How ironic.
---

For the past 8 mos my philosophy has been, Just keep moving, forward, and don't stop and think about it. And it worked..

I'm a mover & a shaker. yes sir. a heart breaker, a Quaker?

-can't say I don't believe in War..

And there's Baraka.

I want Life to just be Still `

I wonder if Love cures Anxiety.. I'd be willing to bet it does.

Untitled Confessions

2011-10-01T17:41:00.017-07:00

an intense blogpost is probably due ; passion to begin and end with, or some sort of acquired expectation of mediocrity. contemplating the night & day difference btwn the two..

Dear 7 obsessions, politics & Love, and a world with more harmony.
how beautiful that words can heal. or can make you feel.. understood at the least.

pen, ink, and memory. how basic. how logical. how pure.

----

so much in me, so much in stubborn me.. an intense need to get it out, to express without pretense-- desire is only worth something if it's extreme; a fulfilled dream is a a yes. Not a no or a maybe so.

some things you don't say on any sounding board, or blank page--but keep to yourself, for when, finally whistles empower whispers..

& demonized thoughts ~ precursors. welcomed, encouraged a lot.

for when whispers turn to whistles..

--pause for blood to rush.

and because I don't know what happens next.
------
The most important thing in Life, is not as important as its comprehension./ or is it the other way? creative mindsets aren't better, just more attuned to my favorite Letter.. /don't act like u get it if u don't/.

7 a.m., can't be motivated to wash the sand off my bare legs

2011-09-29T19:59:00.008-07:00

I could use a green tea w soy, and an America right about now. homesick nomad, 2011==> the journey was.. great. October. and I ate, and ate. and I'm tired.. but also really tired.
and hungry. and so much older and lucky.
The gifts,.. so great. I'm so lucky to be blessed, and cursed the same.
-------
but all people everywhere, are the same.

sand that sticks.

poet re:

2011-09-15T07:33:00.005-07:00

you--or me--?

a four-leaf clover, a letter, or a clever guess.

wake-up call

2011-09-15T04:49:00.027-07:00

keeps me on my toes, for when the surface - or surface-level- burns.
much stronger than you'll ever know..

claws,
to scratch the surface, of the lonely abyss,
known only to myself, himself the same.

stretched to reach the top-shelf, dug my heel into the bottom shelf, buried my face in stories 100 years past.

movements forward, moving elements forward and life goes on, onward.
-----------
Arab Spring session
Arab Spring obsession, x.

Standing Selection,
limited edition,
different sex.

Honesty is the only way

2011-09-08T20:27:00.011-07:00

it's how I roll.

Life's short. why choose ambiguity or mind games when there's the beauty and freedom of honesty? --Be Happy and just go for what you want. It's better that way.

After all, we're all gonna die anyway.
-----------

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose... There is no reason not to follow your heart."- Steve Jobs

2011-09-07T18:07:00.033-07:00

"I know I try to spiritualize the sexual a lot, but my sexuality is spiritual sorry."--

Remarkable, details that sweat.
God Knows best, God's timing is best..
Convinced.
-Intimacy is what we live for but too often live w/o.

Understanding, breaks down barriers. 42 years and counting.

.. so many stories the same.. if only we weren't so hard on ourselves.
----
Honest Humanity is Beautiful --

The majority makes the minority seem unattractive, or unfit, but the minority is worth sticking around for. or is it vice versa? -

so much more for us to discover, and for a younger generation to grow up in.
~~
collect the pieces of all these war-torn people, Whole.
a vulnerable throne.

Respect, Respect, Your Mama Raised A Man.

I'm suffering from Compassion Fatigue

2011-09-07T04:30:00.015-07:00

I'm suffering from Compassion Fatigue.

and I don't want to hear watani songs. It's all too all-consuming for me..

day in, day out.of tragedy I didn't even know could exist..

and throughout it all, there's been a conscious barrier in all this..

Identity Fatigue is a more proper phrase I guess.\

who cares what you call it; it doesn't change the fact that it exists.

-----
with understanding, all barriers can be crossed.

emotional block

2011-09-06T19:12:00.006-07:00

too much going on to write even an improper blog post.

I'm here, and it's here_______.

2011-09-04T16:52:00.014-07:00

*~ *~
واحشنى موت..
هذا المساء ~

Estrogen ❦

2011-09-03T17:30:00.006-07:00

please.

More.

I'm turning into a man with all this .. war!

Lush

2011-09-03T17:24:00.001-07:00

I have a crush, on you..

tingling, blushing.. believe it. bc I do :)

Dawn of the Mediterranean, Goddess Bride

2011-09-03T16:57:00.012-07:00

Love and appreciation will replace hatred and resentment, Leebya <3 overwhelming appreciation. It's like we all just ..understood.

Respect.. and so much in so little words

and so many of us filling a role, we never chose

and me, well I just want flowers, and candles and ..flow. and myself, and .. feel. and my essence..back.

when fear left me sensuality did too, because how can you be or breathe love- so delicate and pure, amongst war and bloodshed-

I don't like being this way. and I can go back, but can they? Pray.

Pray for souljers; arms at bay..

Nothing I've ever wanted has been easy, so what to make of a grasp an arm's length away? ~

Freedom

from_____ whatever. Freedom for... your son. ~

:) unbelievable, unimaginable,- how far we've come..

Soon Leebya.. Soon,

Prayers and whispers and hot baths: damp fulfillment. expressed embraces of just.. Love.

Shoutout--

2011-09-02T17:14:00.012-07:00

Yo.. what's up with men well past 30 acting like they're 13?

Hey girl, i thought gay men were supposed to be sensitive,-- No?

Ah well,
equality isn't only about gender.. and pretty people also get discriminated against.

Thanks KG for reminding me..There's some fucked up ppl in this world!/

But surround yourself w good ppl and they'll seem like the minority.
----

A Toast to everyone who keeps it real, (and not just says or pretends, but does)
Another for those who appreciate the real. (You know who you are).

-nothin worse than frontin' ~Always keep it real.

Thank God For "" #oldschool. ""

a silent prayer. a good vibe, spoken, tweeted, sent and not deleted.
creepy stalkers, No Homo, sex offenders, womanizers, confused sheiks, 1 word:: Love.
Now Go play far away.

Bad Vibes::
a shrug, a smile, and a Take Care :)

2011-08-27T18:26:00.005-07:00

"Many things in life will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart, pursue those. " ~

~ Butterflies ~~

Ramadanesque

2011-08-26T15:32:00.019-07:00

اللهم انك عفو تحب العفو فاعف عنا

اللهم انك عفو تحب العفو فاعف عنا
اللهم انك عفو كريم تحب العفو فاعفو عنا

I miss the details a lot not knowing Arabic.. but the Big Picture's the same..

still,

I like details to sweat.. don't u? emhm.

it was on my to do list walahi.. :x

swoosh. Just Do It. ✔

Learn 3arbee.
or (Insert-- Hadaf).

Libyanizing

2011-08-23T11:28:00.015-07:00

an earthquake in Washington on the same day Libya is liberated. Mind Blow. what is this. world. Allah.

Praise! :)
------
We just fought a war. Do something other than ping.

Inspiration. Living, Breathing, Moving. ~

Surat al-Qalam

2011-08-22T18:25:00.005-07:00

The Pen.

:)

In college an Emirati taught me Tajwid. He grew up not knowing how to read.

Remarkable, starts with planting a seed.

-----

Strange Ramadan this year.

More like #FML.

at least I ~~proved~~ I'm *Ride or Die.* :-)

proving. never ending saga. Gaddafi drama.

I'm trying to get my deentight; save the drama for your mama.

:)

2011-08-21T09:50:00.010-07:00

---
"
Tripoli turned-on

in a big way. took action on its own. with her own hands.. Tripoli is not backing down..

a beautiful thing.

Allahu Akbar out of Love

2011-08-20T18:49:00.006-07:00

..
I think Islam is sexy.

a miracle, given.. everything.

and God is greater than adversity.

Allahu Akbar

2011-08-19T19:05:00.024-07:00

Tripoli Calling, and Calling -
and someone Finally answered the call.

--->> hope it doesn't get too blurry
'Happy Eyes' returning..

"
skies ablaze in Tripoli; how it will go down in history? I don't know.. except I know it will be a better country. There's too much invested, for it to turn into nothing. --
The burden the families and these freedom fighters have been dealt.. 20. and 24. and 30. and no more.. Rest in Peace.. another souljer deprived.. of Love.
and more. people. will. die. Inspiration no. But in the darkness a beautiful light shines. ~ and where are you, in all this joy and jubilation?

Goosebumps:: and anticipation, in Tripoli: after Tunisia, when Gaddafi spoke.. last January..

7 obsessions: Tripoli. what is my gut feeling telling me?
--
Break for Fajr.----- Takbeers all over Tripoli.. goosebumps:: ..

It's a Martyr's history.

Operation Dawn of the Mediterranean Bride

2011-08-19T16:11:00.005-07:00

Mermaids.. some people believe in them.. a Libyan man told me he saw one on the shore of Derna..

Pray for Tripoli..

طرابلس ياعروس البحر

Fasting and otherwise abstaining from indoctrinated truths--

2011-08-18T19:39:00.018-07:00

you? --

Al Haqq.

Ya Haqq, Forgive me. I've been wrong a lot. I wanna be right.

don't judge me:: I know my own strife. I look in the mirror, and I look alright.

I wanna be right
and I wanna be on your right.

Degaddafinate me..

I wanna get right.

#makeitcount.

Final Call--

2011-08-18T18:45:00.027-07:00

I suppose we could take this even further..

The Narcicyst said War Is Not Sexy. But ask the Defense Industry (they wouldn't have to beg to disagree) or every other James Bond-esque movie.. Ask me: I'll tell you War is Not Sexy. But Fighting For Victory IS. Choose your battles..

Ya rab isma3nee. I wanna be sexy. --against tyranny.

ya rab isma3nee.. I wanna be in Tripoli.

DeGaddafinate Us.

-and you only get one phone call

Need a dream interpreter :)

2011-08-17T20:36:00.006-07:00

and a cure for sleepless.

a glasshouse with plants.. "jenna" i whispered and it awakened me.

exercise caution:: be weary of flattery.

"A glass house in a dream could be a reminder from your unconscious that things are not always as they seem.." indoor plants could mean something is hindering your growth, or just desire to be by nature.

--seek God, and you will know the Truth.

slightly lighter note: http://www.lyricsdepot.com/wang-chung/wake-up-stop-dreaming.html

I believe there's a light within each and every one of us: an internal compass better than anyone's counsel. We have to learn to brighten it.

2011-08-17T18:33:00.001-07:00

..عجيبة

Tripoli Calling

2011-08-16T20:34:00.004-07:00

Ringing.

OFF the HOOK.

Revolutionary Volume

Revolutionary Look

Inspiración

2011-08-16T08:59:00.003-07:00

To Lift You Up.. ;)

تم اللعب

2011-08-16T08:44:00.009-07:00

Been suffering quite a bit lately..dealing with differing things, that in one way or another relate to My Identity

But Yesterday I said No More. And Today, All thanks be to God, I woke with a sense of clarity.

Tem alla3eb. At the end of the day, their bullshit won't matter. It's about what you know is right, and it's about doing you. Move Forward. It's the only Logical way to operate. In War. and in Life.

I'm not always 100 percent, and I'm not always "collected and cool," as someone called me :). But I'm Confident for a reason: and it's because I am sure of what I stand for.

You will kill yourself if you let everything get to you. Turn Confident switch on::Stop. Do You. and just Go.----

Smile and Progress. Dream again. ~ and don't wait for anyone to tell you Yes.

+ Having A Good Hair Day. :)

i have 9 lives u can't kill me bitches. but i can kill myself, if I don't exercise self- control in a world where so much is out of our control. remember that.

Degaddafinate my gahwa iblease!!!

2011-08-14T19:43:00.008-07:00

في يوم الأيام.. كان يا ما كان

Hyper News Day and Libya can't sleep.

war ferry *~

2011-08-14T18:50:00.005-07:00

--
three more days until the 6 month mark.

Trables, Habibti. All eyez on you II.

---

2011-08-14T16:37:00.024-07:00

wow.

I'm retarded... ~~lol~~ Arab world smh. :( wow.

comedy and tragedy.
--------------

brought us closer as a Family. Collectively (1 country) and Individually (shared history). Freedom around the corner.. ~in so many different ways...

optimistic.. Allah yester..

boythoughtiwasaho!
woopsmybad
thatskindafunnytho
(ditzyintelligence)
andinbetween
theres-these
tugsofwar.
africanwomenarequeens
butmaybeimblonde.stillwannabeBond-
girl.

Thoughts on love, marriage, Intimacy-- ❤ songs that make you smile

2011-08-14T05:52:00.038-07:00

Bacilos

Caraluna

In Cosmic Consciousness, Deepak Chopra says we all want someone who is looking.

ppl are threatened by the idea of always looking, searching. But it doesn't have to be as wanton as sounds, at all. ~ -seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave.

It's like the dating rules that tell you not to be "too comfortable" or move in with a man before marriage bc you loose your mystique. /There is a Hadith I like about a woman who loves Allah more than her husband, and a man who asks Allah for her.. can't remember exact wording. But in essence saying the same thing- don't 'fall asleep' when you 'fall deep', so that you never forget what you stand for.

I take issue with how love, marriage, intimacy in the Arab world is perceived as a duty.

~❥❥❥❥❥❥~

How sad that it's seen by so many men and women as filling a role. or fulfilling a duty..

Not dissing theological discussions on the matter, or saying my view is better, but for me it's, "not just because it's the right thing to do. but bc you really just want to with that person." and then you should talk about duties.

I hope the man I marry asks for me. and I hope I have the Common Sense to Love him less.. ;)

Not sure if I would call the human psyche is "by nature religious" but I believe as Carl Lung said, "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed." ~

sometimes you just instantly click with ppl, and sometimes your heart just automatically feels at ease with a person. sometimes it isn't even about Love, but a fleeting friendship that you remember, or even just cocktail party chatter..
I don't think it happens that often, But when it does it's so fun! -- I think it's one of the things that makes Life amazing..

yield to Intensity

2011-08-13T17:55:00.045-07:00

late night chats and a special moment

after a busy day, reminds me of why, it is. I appreciate.. Intensity for it makes me yield.. to what's real.

and young Men who respect you enough to be straight-up, because they learned to value Honesty, and the practicality in being heard ... Raised.

nomads and domestic goddesses ...

and this year many of us grew up fast.

A Smile at Fajr

running off a +1 hour, in a land I once pictured in my dreams..

Ramadan tents got me thinking. BBms got me smiling. Real eyelashes caressing,-- a kitten purrs outside the screen door of my home...

So simple and so Intense. I let it in..

:)..confident I do do it best, content because I know,

that God Knows it better.. ~

Sweet Dreams Arab Year/revolutionaries clutch::beauty near/

Imagination doesn't stop, when you stop and Appreciate the real.

Yield.//

"**you can see so many shooting stars tonight. ~ "

:)

2011-08-13T08:07:00.007-07:00

Say what

2011-08-12T21:53:00.012-07:00

- "a beachhead of counter-introspection against the coming tide of politicization."

aiwaaaa, ;)

all losing my religion in this.. I wanna use the word circumcision but don't know how it applies. except you circumcise a male and he functions just fine. Do it to a female, and she loses all ability to Feel, the most important thing in Life.

It'slikeajunglesometimesitmakesmewonder How I keep from going under. It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder How I keep from going under.

Some things: Girls' Anthem

2011-08-12T09:57:00.012-07:00

are in God's Hands. (Allah knows my Future better still)

some things you think, but aren't actually real. coined: Romanticize black.

some things you feel, and wonder why they aren't real.

Maybe some things are just meant to get you through Arab Spring..

When you choose to Let Go, You live life and meet people who are actually there..

And Allah Knows Best.

Just Say it, even when you think you do.

If I sound Innocent it's because I am. Idiot. But God's Children, who can really claim Innocence?

Incense. Burn..~ I'm feeling myself, and it's someone else's turn ..

Value Yourself: And you can't buy class like this.. --

#ilovemyteam

Cautious Cat

2011-08-12T09:11:00.010-07:00

I'm beginning to dream again...

Libya.

Me.

I've been terrified. (stricken with grief, with sorrow, with a bitter tomorrow) A Hole.. a pit of Anxiety--that I've felt before.. and filled with dreams -- crushed. but somehow till Whole.

Are there others like me..? who agree, and understand what I mean. I never met them, but I'm beginning to see that some ppl are more understanding than we think..

Life Stories. Be careful, in this history, You never really Know.

http://www.tumblr.com/tumblelog/libyus

Scars:: are beautiful, and not just because we all have them,

----
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtSDWq6HsJE

Thanks God

2011-08-11T09:50:00.008-07:00

for giving me a hormonal, biological, ultra feminine reason to be crazy.!! And Xtra fodder for Extremists to run wild with..

Geez. /

Ya La6eef.

see political estrogen:: forthcoming walahi

clean slate/

2011-08-10T15:33:00.020-07:00

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. -Charles Reade

blank page:
beg to thirst,

lines of a Holy verse.

inclination to hide out in a cave::
meditate for days.

is there an endearing term for this? did they leave us with a flattering version of this.? cave syndrome sounds Islamist. Yogi kingdom, a tad elitist.

under the covers; cocooning, preserving the inside, as the outside tearing.. disgusting, in a good way. I feel things progressing. this way ->> .

Naked. Backwards K.
Socially awkward.

Moody. night passes, and social butterflize turn. //

Disclaimer (numero tres)

2011-08-10T13:59:00.024-07:00

2011 should have it's own. --

I grew up under the Pretense of Freedom, kind of like a Despotic Illusion, real but not, soft or not, religious or not, political or not, feminist or not.. naturally, I sought considerable seclusion.. -creative people get me.

This blog is an expression. enough in itself. But combined with Identity Fusion, which is always accompanied by considerable confusion. This blog is free flowing, and I don't link to academic, rigid, or technical writings on purpose. (if it stays this might change).

Do the math:: I write to understand, and not because I need you you to hold my hand. (though that's fine too.) This page doesn't constrict me, and i draw a curtain to shut out the outside, and imagine what i want.

*These words are an evolving thought process, fleeting thoughts, sometimes real, other times not. If you dig deep enough, they are fully ~ laced with politics of our times, though i try not to give off technical vibes. my poems are always meaningful, but not written in stone, though I wouldn't mind them floating above my tombstone...

-I write poetry that is too deep to feel, or only deep if you feel. I write poetry to make me feel, in a world where hearts are numb. ~

Also: This is not an invite to stalkers, or an accurate depiction of what I am. Still, I stand by what I feel, because I'm a female version of "a man."

~ Keep your words, close & not closed. Share. El Mundo diverse.

Re-Focusing:

2011-08-10T13:02:00.017-07:00

Renewed Focus:: Ramadan-ing in war.. difficult. hard to chew..bitter. Unsettling at the core..

Re-Connecting with "my people": however long later. Acceptance during turmoil; an act of love.

Mind-Blowing Discovery "not fun" when there's Bitter Irony.. some things are Necessary.

Opening up Curiosity:: Hope it won't kill the cat, this time around.

A Can of Worms:: Identity Complex. How many lives do we have left?

Tied up: or Tangled up Free. It's a choice of Being, An act of Sincerity. and it's all convinced me:: I'm too deep for just me.

-"Ramadan is about reawakening again to the beauty of life and to the greatest mysteries of the universe.."

Halal orgasms

2011-08-09T15:52:00.029-07:00

:off the cusp ~ Pen insulating. will try not to romanticize the peninsula.. sorry, i already did. Fact of life: Some things appear larger in my head. side mirror:: Feeling Myself. But anxiety ridden: Need a Minute:

Let Go. bREATHEd.. :)

Feeling kinda weak in the knees.. An innate part of me hymns Love songs, didn't Allah bless the Orchestra?, Regardless..

Back to BAsics:: plz smtg sweet, smtg juicy, want to replace the nightmares and dry rhythm with renewed faith, at least a little.. with inspiration..some vigor. something like religious fervor.. spiritual fever.. hot or cold, or lukewarm..
water.. dry throats in Africa, of another sort in Arabia.. an Intense conversation with an Amazigh reminded me Life is about Compromise, (or shit hitting the fan). The ladder rectified when The Oppressor has the Upper Hand..

wish I could 3umrah.. and just 3umrah. no political elephants, no appeasing the Ummah.. but then there wouldn't be a point in Standing for what's Right.
i guess there's Earth and then there's Utopia. Peaceful is the one who doesn't have an active conscious.~ not trying to sound like Confucius just dwelling on the philosophical.~ a continuing crisis of faith, a small run in the pantyhose.. No Need to alert The Religious Police , just direct me to Al-Ghazali..

"Sidi. explain it all to me."

:off the cuff::

-would we (citizens of the world) get bored of a Yoga Orgy?

Note to self:: No Pressure. Just Make it count. ~
---
Yullah. ~bookmarked the concept :o)

Thinking..

2011-08-08T23:03:00.026-07:00

Big Cats./

Time to stop sleeping.

Thinking.. core surfaces shifted-- last year I was a Lion, willingly. now I'm a vulnerable kitten.. in some way, also willingly. but I have to be a lion. somewhat unwillingly.. There is War and there is Life.. When did I choose to Live, become sacrifice? want satin, want sweets, want space.. and less Strife..

Dear FF's who've had to, unwillingly..

Summon the Lion.. Be There. Participate. Live it. And just do it.

"wa3d Allahi Haq.." / Inhale Breathe--
Ya Lateef.
Exhale the fumes::

.. Identity switches it up.

Time to Step it Up.

m.y.o 1/2 s.os.

2011-08-07T18:06:00.084-07:00

Tangled up Free.
________________

Breathe. God is in control. Repeat. ~~What if~~ -

Let Go. Full Surrender. Let Go.

ArabWorldsentoutagiganticSoS. Morose Code. quickly crawl under the desk and knees- to-chest.- panic attack still going,--> this too shall pass. Bashar tell u that? smirking. u don't even know the half. the other half./ Who say life is misery.
Don't ask about Tripoli. it's a Mystery. 'Why r u so.. w/o emotions?' said an Egyptian tryng 2 get with me. Smiles R pretty.
OCD. public toilets this shit.-u use them? wow image flashed.. damn that's hot. Like Lipstick that wears off,--means i can reapplyit.
/genuine Smiles. winks and hi5s.
a *prayer for the girl in the white dress.
energetic.. faster than this moment.. went to a rave and survived. the best, dance i ever had. friend got high, kicked it curbside'. vices ain't pleasant. bt don't overthink them-. that's a vice.. some ppl convinced the world s ending.
unpleasant..
feelings, hm what else?
-I'll surrender with one-eye closed. what do you think I'm stupid./ They're shooting./it started. where r u.
Normalcy is near. not sure if we ever had it.. miss aspects of it. AMERICA.
it started with a Dream... أحلم.

mental yoga 1/2.. tangled up free and war zone..

"martyrs die & it's as if their cause was a lie.."

2011-08-06T21:15:00.012-07:00

don't remember when I first said that but it's here somewhere..

Confirmed Truth Baby

Rest In Peace, Habibi Shaheed.

torn jeans on a tombstone. dirt patched knees, and a young man lost his future fighting for you! He has a waste up and no house keys...

Habibi Shaheed, May all Allah says about you be True~ how else can we be made to believe in Virtue?

سبحانك يا رحمان ~~stughferallah~~ shin bid gool..? ستغفر الله

To a Land of No Rules:
True
/Nomads Rule./

OH MY GOD!

2011-08-03T15:13:00.007-07:00

Testing::

yes, it still works :)

No Preservatives:: Squeeze the Spiritual Juice

2011-08-02T16:10:00.035-07:00

Tonight I stopped and Lingered in front of a coffee shop i always pass on my way home, to take a photo of a dog looking out the window..

Chocolate makers must home grow love on a Family Tree.

will save it after I get a spirituality dose..

Need it.. i craveit.

Want Spiritual Juice.

-------------------------
Smtg to chew on:: What would your (Spiritual) Want ad To God in a paper look like?

I thought of this:

a.) On again/off again dutiful servant,
seeks Allah's Company./ Spirituality.

b.) This ramadan
i want to love God, i wanna return to His Favour. I wanna taste Islam's rich flavor.

c.) ymf looking for Recognition
ymf looking for Recognition.

Young. Muslim. Female. I want God's Recognition. (suffering people everywhere sigh. some still try, others bitter, flash a peace sign : Good Luck).

I want His seal of approval.. on the things that count. For all I know, this Ramadan might be my last, and I don't want to be cursed, like this year of risky firsts, in this year of political ambush..i want Peace.

Pleasure.. Satisfaction .. Guidance. Spiritual Guarantee. Thirst for it.

Logically, it's hard to find lasting peace when the world is Spinning. But War is a reminder that Life is Fragile; Forgiveness and Guidance a stronger Temptress.

This Ramadan will u make it count? not really a rhetorical when Allah is asking, #makeitcount.

Ramadan post (to be cont)--

2011-08-01T23:49:00.004-07:00

--But peep this

and this . or other personal Ramadan links.

starvation in Horn of Africa. sufferers and sacrificers, one day all of Africa_ Fed up.

freedom fighters. surrender, dividers. conquering. back-seat drivers.

Growth spurts: i just needa grow: ♥

2011-08-01T21:58:00.024-07:00

said Arab Youth caged in artificial nonsense. plastic melts at boiling temps, and glass houses can withstand rubber bullets.

Boxers--?

gr-ow. L ove.

growth spurts;; grown up plants diverse, birth pangs:: fangs: Not Scary, because a green baby told me, 'will is stronger than fear.' ♥

Hoopoe

2011-08-01T18:16:00.004-07:00

Hoopoe take two

Palestinian spirit, Always. ~

still workin' on this ova here.

Trip-oli.

2011-07-29T20:15:00.012-07:00

A Story
__________
you smiled and I nodded.

"i took the war as a cue.. didn't you,".. \/ --some things don't need 2 b unsaid--.

|V/ .. Life plans are exquisite. or dry, unbeatable circumstance. God's Hands, Move Mountains.

--Until Life throws us back.--

Sincerely.

i need my independence

2011-07-29T11:54:00.016-07:00

this place ain't free. >>echoed response(s)>><>. did someone say bondage(s)? el3ab! I-N-S-E-R-T city..

_______ -- Break Free.

I'm good. chillin on this mother fuckin power struggle, -- losing interest in these motha fuckers who understand the struggle. you? --

Attention:: over this. -bas.

need something intellectual to digest. deep talk:: i ain't havin it. not with my peers, bc they're all up to their ears.. .. Lost in Thought.. a lot + a lot.

Black Hole soldiers. waiting for Sun.

break :: -- soundboard

2011-07-29T11:50:00.005-07:00

Traitors, Conflict, Strife. Youth emboldened. Youth Careful.

Youth, I want to cover their ambition. it's being ambushed - disproportionate dispositions.

Be careful..

'In your eyes i recognize , and i hear it over the Loud Drum Beats.'

"illee mish khayan," that's the percent that loses war ?

depression, get me out of bed with a straw hat on my head. scare the crows, but this..just sit with a hot coffee, a seat belt and watch like this..?

Goddesses: come with me-- towards more.. but it's not a fantasy."

Then: Men who believe in a better Reality, say No. More.

Breakfast

2011-07-28T22:12:00.015-07:00

Things Cooking:: always,
Boiling.

Simmer Pots. Plans.. "I'm idle. bc who knows what works anymore" while we bleed, other men scheme,, move forward >> harvest individual life past this collective strife. yeah, okay.

I Said It Without Thinking Twice.

backburner ::-- ~swish ~swish- reverse order. -- forerunner. mm-hm. i like that.

Seize the Day::
jundees. seize the day.

wherever I am..

2011-07-28T22:06:00.013-07:00

"I always find myself looking out the window wishing I was somewhere else."

more or less. ~~ curios & oh so blessed. eat. until nothings left.

On a silver platter. -- or until one of us wins.

الهدهد

2011-07-26T01:00:00.020-07:00

" Tell me the story of the Hod-Hod again, "

about Birds with distinct looks and voices.,, There's an expression, "Hod Hod's torment.."

you know it?-- A Prophet's wisdom, a message, an ordeal,

--a crown of feathers. -- Queen of Sheba, + enchanting tale.

Balqis did not Believe until she met Soleiman .. حلو ديننا , Jameel.

*~
--
* The Hoopoe has a characteristic undulating flight, which is like that of a giant butterfly, caused by the wings half closing at the end of each beat or short sequence of beats. ""|"

Truth and Reconciliations

2011-07-24T20:22:00.004-07:00

Almost here.-- Mountain Fresh Air... --
The longest breath you've ever took. Aqua di Gio and ahhh...

Peace. Breath. Breathe Easy. in a moment, a peace.

Why Romanticize the song?

2011-07-24T19:36:00.008-07:00

in me all along ~ ♫
I believe in myself. and I believe in this song. ~ ♫-♫ --

Arab Spring, May you continue to Sing.. / in winter and in fall, may your voice inspire and call, anyone who desires Life outside walls../

Defiance is Immortal.. it's a cyclical, empowering torture. But Rebels are also made out of clay..

Smiling Warriors. Fighting, pieces of war,, in peace and at war. ~ ~ weathered feathers, hitherto, unknown. Embrace :)

Dark is a way and light is a place,

2011-07-24T19:10:00.005-07:00

Terror will rage apart
Before chains break to a hammer flame
And love unbolts the dark...
-----
And freely he goes lost
In the unknown, famous light of great
And fabulous, dear God..

Dark is a way and light is a place

Heaven that never was
Nor will be ever is always true..

-
Dylan Thomas

my great grandmother, may God rest her soul, was

2011-07-23T22:57:00.011-07:00

a religious woman, who belonged to a (Sufi?) order. People would travel to see her for advice..

i just found out.
-------

for another generation it's not too late

--

2011-07-23T22:39:00.003-07:00

This is the accumulation of my entire Life. --and I can't even comprehend what that means.

a line short of another stutter ------ y'all don't even know.
Control. --

Love/Hate

2011-07-23T22:34:00.028-07:00

Control./ Hush: Inner Turmoil, demons/ toil & cajole, honor and freaks.

voices in my head. I'm a Lion. I'm a warrior, Love/Hate Control.
--- me against myself.

Dear brother: my future, my lover,

/Demons toil./

and I cry and I weep, and sobs choke my sleep. Tripoli. Tripoli.-- Tripoli.

And I don't know how to spend the night asleep:: My brother, I'm loyal. And God's children weep.

Tears stain my cheeks, and strain and i think I'm insane, and who's what is at stake?

and I've had no one to hold me.
and I cry because i-know that- I--am --not --weak.
but I've had a Nation holding me. uplifting me, consoling me..
and in hours so bleak- a flashback to the same nightmare- haunting me for weeks:

Habibi--There's an Orphan who -shouldn't identify- with what I speak! --

La illaha illa Allah.
I dreamed i said it when I was free-falling down a building, -dark and unknown- and the end of an image.
----
Love/Hate Controlled Escape.---
-encouraged to weep. Oh.. echoing speech!

To be free

2011-07-22T21:37:00.006-07:00

I want 2 B Free.
We aren't free. Why aren't we?
------
Love is a Child of Freedom.

--why aren't we Free. ?

I'm. so. turned. off.

2011-07-22T21:17:00.014-07:00

by Arab Summer.//

ahhhkh. ta

hh

uhrghh.
=========
quod me nutrit me destruit, what nourishes me, destroys me.

That which once motivated me, has depleted me. /That which ergonomically gave Life to me, is threatening to take it away.--ta ta, back in your case. I'm much smarter than than that. Inner demons. toil on my turf.. humph.

But I do want an excuse to cook.

This... These changes.. all this.. I've absorbed, I've been trampled, burned- I've been turned, & I've grown.. re-grown and finally outgrown it. Flowers are not trees; vase- please.

in search of Sin

2011-07-22T20:35:00.019-07:00

I'm Full. I have no appetite for any of this.

I'm restless..

I'm bored.

I'm.. so Bored. I'm so fucking bored.

I'm not.. interested,-- no longer stimulated by this. anymore.

And I have no desire to be public. none.

i wish i could go to Marbella, or Prague --I'm so fucking bored of Arabs. and the Arab world.

I'm no longer stimulated by any of this.

I'm just, turned off. by Arab Summer.

10 days.. what can i do?

what can i do in 10 days..

2011-07-19T22:08:00.004-07:00

Hypothetical Speech: Out of your reach, quote me next week.

decisiones:: New terrain.
6 a.m. and i'm rollin: up again. jibe. in

'I am not negotiable'

2011-07-18T06:55:00.011-07:00

and I'm a verb

Hostages, bandages. Criminals. --funk it--
---
Break- Soundboard

sexual hypnosis. .diverted mitosis,: sell

Dear Readers,

2011-07-17T20:27:00.028-07:00

Back when i gave a fuck, this blog used to be open to comments and my email was listed, and 1 or 10 of you actually used that, and I received very nice feedback which I save till this day.

Then i disassociated myself from my self- stopped the poetry- and closed everything back up. -- 180° degrees, a lot of political heat, a breeze.. & a short story- that reads--
it's self: don't give up.

Life, and Love, and Drugs (halal-certified. I'm sure the Shaykh would approve).. LSD'd me up; romance: and I'm in love with myself.

Feel Free to feed my poetry. or if there's a god in you - Email: undios1@yahoo.com

Sincerely,
you know that Spice Girl song.
x.
-----
it's all wrong. this isn't Khadijah. This blog stopped when Khadijah died. Is this the birth of Fatima?

when did i write this, it's back there somewhere: Khadijah's game plan was devoid of the traditional sort of romance:

As soon as we finish flirting with success
the crowd will form a standing-O
but we will fall to our knees and beg a speedy fate; freedom finally erupted-
and it came...
now seeds of honor grow in the streets...
the topsy-turvys pretending to rule our states are being replaced!
I ain't got time to love you Mo
My cause is ride or die --
??????????????

I think I've lived too many lives. then i meet ppl who make me feel like an embryo.

oh my god! Is this the birth of Fatima :) !!
that needs a diff channel.. this is done

Fatima will come, for all I know she's already here. but I doubt it will be here.

LSD

2011-07-17T20:14:00.006-07:00

Love

Sex

Drug

according to Wiki LSD produces the following side-effects:

.altered thinking processes
.closed and open eye visuals
.an altered sense of time and --

Spiritual Experiences,

Famous for its key role in (1960s) counterculture.

-Yullah.?

سجدة

2011-07-15T08:00:00.013-07:00

impatient mumblings, form something, Restless. Familiar feelings. My mind daring: but khalas, we've learned to mostly tame it.. Still ..
gotta do smtg.

can't sit comfortable like this. when there's smtg like this..

I wish I could pull magic tricks 4rm my sleeve.

♥♥♥'s or ☯☮'s or some shit..

===========

Yullah, "~enjoy it." Lebanese imprint. Beirut and I'll feel tour de Arab World (Zayed + Zayed +) America fix "complete." >> following DC metalin. then back to God's Mercy ? lever it then, . God's wing feels sweet. the bit that covers, the shade of the flutter..
-- duck for cover.
over.

2 Amman and Beirut. just not, or. >>Syria, Jordan, Palestine, tracking maps for a living, but not backtracking.. back-trekking>> fact-checking.. Life is brutally sweet. Life is brutal, Life is sweet.

Arab Spring you gave a new breath to me. A rebirth:: and I'd been looking for a second chance..for a reason to move myself, out of my circumstance. I took one enormous step, and you trampled on me, but then you brought me back. Resurrection of the Highest Order, and I did grow a little taller.. a little closer..

I think of climbing vines to get to Heaven
~*~~
=============
Arab Spring, in your origin pure. Your reasons, I've lived with for sure.

But then I found reasons obscure.. still in your impurity, a form of piety, a form of purity::
yet when I open my hands, I have nothing but the dirt of self to give.

please accept my poetry,

(sajdah)--

for nothing else

Arab Spring..

2011-07-15T06:41:00.001-07:00

In all its Life..

desert flowers..

For all of Life.

comic book fun

2011-07-15T00:42:00.010-07:00

(If I were good with editing, I'd make that little widget move counter clock-wise around the blog, so it looks like I was doing cart-wheels around myself). -Insert spiritual Islamic reference. -

Then I'd be a WHIRLING DERVISH BARBIE. haaaah ! "" ~~of my own order.~~

Conquer the self. Conquer the world.

If only, --high enough to where we could fly,..

flickering lights, shimmery tassles. bulbs

2011-07-14T22:09:00.016-07:00

I don't want a glass house.

I want glitter on my Identity.

not bullets or shrapnel or rockets or booby traps, no widow's tears or massive graves or fragments or more fears.

Just Pearl. sprinkled with glitter and natural gas.

I'm not shaken. There's no blood on my Lips. God & my Intuition, unless God is my intuition, -when the latter fails one is inclined to assume they're inseparable.
But when it succeeds?

Man, kind shines his whip. and |Confidence means I never finish last.

mi filosophy (how the west was one) won. "

2011-07-14T05:53:00.012-07:00

-"God was there and yet people believed that they still had to go on looking, because it seemed too simple to accept that life is an act of faith."

entropy:: full of energy. don't waste.. is it time..~?

celeb. rate. e

that's 4 ecstasy. what, you mean me?

oh no. celibate. but the ice, did it melt? the glass, this liquid is lukewarm.

did it melt?! - haaah "" :)).

I'm trying to study. I had a ream (r eal dream) about a fabulous guy who was just a guy before my mentality changed. I think I'm no longer afraid.. to plunge deep=forth. not just a 1/4, but all the way, you know? No longer scared of.. this idea.-- rethinking commitment..A girl has to change. I'm not George Clooney anyway.

I have been called a princess buy million dollar men who wouldn't understand why i couldn't care less, or why I was so high-strung. ~~do what you want with that~~. I'm just really proud of what I'm from.. shrug :).
Oh look-

In classical thermodynamics, the concept of entropy is defined phenomenologically by the second law of thermodynamics, which states that the entropy of an isolated system always increases or remains constant. Thus, entropy is also a measure of the tendency of a process, such as a chemical reaction, to be entropically favored, or to proceed in a particular direction. It determines that thermal energy always flows spontaneously from regions of higher temperature to regions of lower temperature, in the form of heat. These processes reduce the state of order of the initial systems, and therefore entropy is an expression of disorder or randomness.

the parfume i sometimes wear..

2011-07-14T03:08:00.000-07:00

claims it has the power to transform the negative into positive.

Flower bomb. The secret world of dreams *~~

2011-07-12T01:47:00.004-07:00

Catch 22-with four theories,/choose 1.

What's your theory?